Go! (a song release diary)
Go! - Lucia Zambetti
Waking up, with nothing but my shoes and a knife
Breaking up, nothing bad you just weren’t very nice
I wanna see the movement of your stars up in the sky
And they’re just bright, nothing like the ones that shoot on by
But I still make the wish, I don’t want a kiss, I just want you to go
You’re just skinny jeans, I’m the teenage dream, and I’m beggin’ you to go
It seems like you forgot my name you call me anything but Lu
Like ‘what do you want’, ‘what are you here for’ or ‘what, now, did you do’
You’re so mean, you stumble round, just actin’ like my dad
And that’s just sad, its such a shame I still love you oh so bad
But I still make the wish, that you’ll be my bitch and leave when I say go
I’m the cream of the crop, you’re nothing but a slob and I’m begging you to go
Cause I crumble every time I hear your voice,
And I won’t leave if I’m given the choice
Mmmhmmmm
Da da dum, da da dum,
La da da dum, da da dum, da da dum
Beggin’ you to go, beggin’ you to go
Beggin’ you to go, beggin’ you to go, beggin’ you to go
Beggin’ you to go, beggin’ you to go, beggin’ you to go
Beggin’ you to go (Beggin’ you to go)
First off, I woke up, incredibly hungover, to some of the sweetest messages I've ever received in my life. Other creatives alike can attest to this: there's no other feeling better than validation centered around your artwork. Not only, "I love your song!" but when people go deeper and send you specific song lyrics that they relate to, or say they "needed" my song: That's exactly why I do what I do. To feel like i'm contributing something to someones interests, passions, feelings, expression or anything of that sort means so much to me that I can't even put the feelings into words.
I always get incredibly anxious before a song release. It's natural, I mean, I'm not just putting my face or my outfit on instagram for people to judge, i'm putting my passion, my artwork out into this vast world of judgement. It's fricken scary. I get super duper duper duper irritable, and sad, and scared. This one was specifically bad: I'm in a new place where I don't know too many people and creative expression isn't really on the table when trying to make new friends. I was feeling super down - I was even considering not continuing my goal to become a successful musician.
Nonetheless, my new friends, even mutual friends and acquaintances filled me with so much support that I was on a high last night. We were sitting in a stinky boy dorm room, blastin my song, dancing around to it, hugging eachother, and I swear I was on a cloud higher than 9. We then made our little-college-way to the stickiest, emptiest, cringiest nightclub when all of a sudden, it was midnight. My new friends jumping around, smiling at me, showing me my new song on their phone only called for more hugs and more excitement. I felt indestructible.
It sounds like there's going to be a twist, but there wasn't. This really was just such a core-memory that I'll remember for the rest of my life. The unconditional support and kindness coming from people I've known for 2 months max made me filled with a sense of pride. I'm so grateful.
This song specifically was a weird one for me to write. I never sit down and write about specific people, but I wrote this song when I was just so tired of all the romanticizing and glorifying I've done in relationships with minimal received respect. I constantly find myself in that limbo of becoming comfortable with a guy's lack of effort after we've been seeing each other for a while. That at some point i'm just like, why don't you just leave, knowing damn well I'm too annoyed to even confront how I'm being treated. It's something i'm still working on for myself - the ability to step back and appreciate all the good things I romanticize while also make my standards clear. It's a shitty feeling to not have respect for yourself in that state, but I blow it off because everything seems temporary to me until proven not.
Enough about that...
Now for this song specifically, I wrote when I was struggling to find a personal sound. There's so much music in the world, and making music is becoming so accessible that it's so easy to just fall into a genre or style that brings the most publicity. I don't like that. Quite honestly, I struggle to listen to my own first couple songs because of how much they've been compared to other artists and how much that stripped me of a personal musical identity. I've become comfortable with comparison, as it's inevitable, but it does sometimes feel like a punch in the gut when appreciation coincides with comparison - it's very separating. Although I will say, I embraced it, taking inspiration from George Harrison, Brian Jonestown Massacre, and Shocking Blue with their usage of sitar. I definitely took some inspiration from Elliot Smith's harmonies, as I can't stop listening to him... But overall, I feel like there's more of me in this song than in my others.
The next stop for this is a music video that's already been completely organized. I'm sooooo fricken excited. Me and my best friend are planning on getting it done by the end of the year and its going to be dope. I also, finally, am putting together a band to play some gigs. I finally, kinda, got over my stage fright, and met some really talented musicians who want to work together.
Overall, I love what I do. I put myself through it with my anxiety but the outcome outweighs that. I love sharing what I do with you, with my friends, with my family, with other creatives. And i'm so excited to see where this road takes me.
Go! by Lucia Zambetti
